Oh, shoplifters of the world — you’re not going to unite and take over with these kinds of tactics. A Kirksville, MO. man was arrested on Thursday for trying to boost a $517 Viore (yeah) LCD television by swapping the UPC tag with one from a $3.16 bottle of water.

Apparently, cashiers weren’t fooled by the admittedly paper-thin maneuver, and after four swipe attempts, a replaced paper spool, and one PA announcement for a store manager to come to register 14, they had the super-genius switcher thrown in the big house. If convicted, the man faces up to seven years in prison plus a hefty fine… and the lifelong shame of having tried to pull this stunt off.

Reginald Newman, 44, was indicted Monday by the Adair County Grand Jury and has been charged with attempted stealing by deceit. If convicted, he faces up to seven years in prison, a fine of up to $5,000 or any combination of the two. He is in custody at the Adair County Detention Center on a $10,000 cash-only bond.